Today was the day of my Internal Medicine exam which I have been preparing for a while now. It has been much like groundhog day,
quotes from movie:
Phil (Bill Murray): I was in the Virgin Islands once. I met a girl. We ate lobster and drank pina coladas. At sunset we made love like sea otters. *That* was a pretty good day. Why couldn't I get that day over and over and over...
Phil Connors: Excuse me, where is everyone going?
Fan on Street: To Gobbler's Knob. It's Groundhog Day.
Phil Connors: It's still just once a year, right?
that is the same day over and over again reading books and notes. I have been at a loss of which day of the week it might be just the number of days until the big exam.
Yesterday I had for once in my life a serious stress feeling, which caught me by some surprise. I have been rather cool and relaxed for most of my medical studies. Im not saying that I have not had that butterfly feeling in my stomach before but this was more than that. I have always been able to look around at fellow collegurs and say to myself "wow Im glad im not in that condition".
Luckily no one saw me but I was unable to concentrate or do anything worth while, for a couple of hours.
Then the big day came and I did not perform up to my standards. I was really looking forward to putting the final dot to this chapter and walk away with a smile. That was not the case today, I felt horrible....
Once I read the essay questions on the first page I was in minor shock, 2 out of 3 were not ones I was expecting. Not saying that it was unfair but as you have to do for a big one like this is ask yourself what is more likely than not and polish those topics. Not my day I had realized in the first moments.
The following sentence I read was that in the true/false for right answer plus one, no answer 0 and wrong answer minus one.
I get half way through and seriously just wanted to get up, leave my desk and go home. But that was not the recipe for success after all this hard work. So I stuck it out and wrote all I could remember which I hoped to be enough to float me through.
As I leave the examination room I felt like I had rotten fish in stomach, a feeling of unwell.
There was not much else to do but go on with my day, but disappointed I was. That million dollar feeling I had been waiting for turned to be just that a dream.
Now in the aftermath of the situation I fairly calculated my possible score and it looks as though I will pass, considering the minus points dont out weigh my positive ones. Cause I didnt leave many blanks, thinking to myself again that I was making educated guessa which weigh more than the 50/50 the true false provides. Call me a gambler...
Sure enough im dead tired after this intense studying and todays emotional rollercoaster I cant sleep. So here I sit writing this message.
Tomorrow I gear up again for the final exam of this year, Surgery which is in weeks time. Giving myself all the chance to reach that emotional high of the million dollar feeling the last day of May.